Look At The Sky For Hope

He was sitting on the couch. I sat next to him and kissed him on the corner of his lips because I knew he wouldn’t kiss back and I knew that I would regret it if I didn’t. So I did. And when he didn’t kiss back, I said, “Wow, you’re really good at controlling yourself.” He said, “When I feel like it.” So then my dad came and said he would give Andres a ride home. I got up and Andres signaled for me to stay, so I did. I sat down next to him again. He said, “I don’t want to make you feel like you’re being used.” I said, “Why would I feel like I’m being used?” He said, “In case stuff happened.” And I said, “Stuff isn’t going to happen.” And he said, “Oh, okay.” So I got up and I walked towards the kitchen. Right when I got to the door he said my name so I looked back at him and he motioned for me to walk towards him a bit, and I did. Before I could react, he kissed me. And like I said, it was sloppy and wet and unexpected and rushed and quick, but it still made me feel like a fucking God. But I only let it last about 2 seconds and then I put my hand on his chest to separate us, and I walked away. And he said, “See, now you’re sad.” And I said, “No I’m not.” Because I really wasn’t. And then we dropped him off.

That’s when he told me what he said to Justin: “I didn’t think it’d be this hard. It’s only been a day and I already miss her.” That happened on Monday.

We can tell each other all we want that we’ll be just friends but when we’re together the urges are far too great to ignore and we act on them. And I’ll be the first to admit that I act on them more than he does, but that’s because I’d rather regret something that I did than regret not doing it at all. That’s why I’ve been taking chances, I don’t want to look back on my life and wish that I did something. I’d rather wish that I didn’t do it because it’s a lot harder for me to regret something that I actually did. I’m not sure if I’m making any sense but it makes sense in my head.

I’ll take chances because I’ll regret not taking chances, once I take the chance I won’t regret taking that chance. I hope that makes sense.